I hate myself

i thought by writing this out maybe i could make sense out of it all, but i don't think that will be the case. I don't know what has happened to make my life the way it is now, but i thought it was ok. not perfect but at least survivable. Some where along the way i lost the woman i love and i can't find her. she means everything to me, but i don't think she knows it. Knows how much i respect her for who she is and the hard work that she does. I want the world to know this, but then again.......................the world doesn't mean to much to me if she not there to help me understand it. there is much i need help understanding and i am always thankful that i have my friend to help. I hope maybe she will read this and know...and come back to me.